Ever see that Visa commercial where everyone is dancing around the store effortlessly buying their merchandise with the swipe of a card and smile? And then some noob comes along and breaks out the checkbook, the music stops, and everyone stares?
EXCUSE ME LADY TWO SPOTS AHEAD OF ME IN LINE THE TIME IS 12:34PM AND THERE ARE 31 PEOPLE BEHIND YOU SEARCHING YOUR POOP COLORED WALLET FOR COINS TO MAKE EXACT CHANGE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE WHEN THERE IS A PERFECTLY FUNCTIONING SPEEDPAY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU OMFG YOU NOOB ITS NOT FUNNY STOP LAUGHING MY LUNCH IS GETTING COLD AND I CAN FEEL THE PERSON BEHIND ME GETTING IMPATIENT WHICH IS MAKING ME ANXIOUS WHICH MEANS YOU ARE ABOUT TO GET SLAMMED IN THE FACE BY ONE OF THOSE 18 INCH TWISTED PRETZELS NEXT TO THE CASH REGISTER!
WHILE IM YELLING I DONT CARE THAT THE SWEET POTATO FRIES ONLY COST 90 CENTS THEY ARE UNDERCOOKED SOGGY POORLY SEASONED AND THEY MAKE ME WANT TO STOMP ON THE TOES OF THAT 5 YEAR OLD KID WHO IS OBVIOUSLY CELEBRATING HIS BIRTHDAY BY HAVING LUNCH WITH HIS DAD AT WORK HOW CAN YOU MESS UP SWEET POTATO FRIES OMFG JUST HEAT UP OIL FRY AND SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERVE!
...at least the cheddar bacon potato soup was delicious. Until I added one packet of salt too many.
Otherwise, the new Coheed album is rocking my face(s) off.