Friday, September 28, 2007

Friday Afternoon Memo...

...To Merck Food Service:
Mixing shredded chicken with medium salsa in a sandwich wrap and heating on a grill pan does not mean you can label the item "Hot Buffalo Chicken Wrap". Please call it "Medium Salsa Chicken Wrap".

...To the Man at the Urinal Next to Me:
If you shake it once, that's fine. If you shake it twice, that's OK. If you shake it three times, that's playing with yourself. If you shake it four times, and splash the toe of my right shoe with your pee, that's just disgusting. Please be more careful.

...To Women:
You may or not be aware that wearing a low cut shirt and a long necklace with a bulky charm that rests at the top of your breast cleave will draw the attention of male eyes. This phenomenon is akin to using shiny, flashy metal lures to catch barracuda. Please do not cast your bait into the ocean if you do not desire to have it bit.

...To the Wrigley's Scientist(s) that Created the Raspberry Mint Flavor for Orbit Chewing Gum:
Thank you.

...To Bungie Games:
I'm so glad we are together again. It was a rough couple of years, wondering if your letters promising physical and spiritual rehabilitation would ever find their way from my heart to my HDTV. I'm so happy to have you back. Last was night was great, and I hope we can do it again soon. I love you.

...To the Ninja Blog Reader:
I know you are reading. I can't see you, but I can feel your presence (and see your IP address in my WebStats). Please, reveal yourself and let us enjoy a cup of steaming green together.

...To My Fiance:
I'm sorry to have to tell you this way, but I am in love with someone else. His name is Master Chief, and I am running away to play 4v4 games of Eliminatio, Slayer, VIP, CTF, and Territories with him. Please don't be sad.

...To the Weekend: